just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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