i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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