When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
