well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
