i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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