1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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