one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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