We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
