not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
MIDGETS
????
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
