the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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