go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
