Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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