I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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