ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
