i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
