Sry I called you an 8
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
