U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
