woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
