Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
