Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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