Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
