I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
