I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
And then he peed in my hair
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
