I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
