Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
