Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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