You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
