Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The air was thick with penises
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I need water and some morals
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
