I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
