the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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