Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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