But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
