hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
