I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
