this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
