does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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