When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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