Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
