so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Alive.
So much puke
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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