Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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