Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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