Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
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I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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