i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
