I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
