all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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