Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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