when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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