I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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