your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
