hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
