I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
