just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
