I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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