Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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