i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
