I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize