So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
