I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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