i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check