He had some BAD nuttage
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.