So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"