Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
