Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice