we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor