The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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