My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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