if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
