I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
