how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
