have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize