I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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