i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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