so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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