Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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