He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
