Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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