any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
