he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
