please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
