i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
