You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
