Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
