I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
