They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
