I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
